Every man's battle...
19 April 2008
In the last week I've been contacted by a two separate people who are having problems with pornography. As a result I thought I'd post some backlinks on stuff that Christine and I have talked about with regard to the problem with porn.
- Here Christine talks about redeeming sexuality.
- My original post on porn that sparked the initial interest.
- I read an article on the issue in the local rag and blogged it but the comments on this post very interesting.
- A letter I blogged on the issue after I raised it in one of my supporter newsletters.
- Backlinks to an article in the SMH.
- I talked about it again when I came back from a national AFES conference (there was a little debate in the comments on this post)
- Linked to an article by Naomi Wolf on porn. The comments are also worth a read.
tags blog, christian, linkage, ministry, thinking
Porn Questions...
06 February 2009
Hey Mike,Dear X
I’m Christian bloke dating a Christian girl. Should I tell her that I used to have a problem with pornography?
Thanks heaps X
It’s really difficult for this situation to go well either way. On the one hand fessing up is the best and most honest thing to do. Being transparent and open in a relationship especially one leaning toward marriage is very important. The point at which to do this in the relationship is harder to pin down (probably not on a first date). Let your conscience guide you.
On the flip side telling your girlfriend about your porn problem nearly always leads her to feeling betrayal and deep mistrust of you for what you’ve done. I also think the longer you leave it to tell her about the problem (eg. When you are married) the greater the damage to relationship. One friend of mine didn’t confess to his wife till after they were married. They needed to visit a counselor to work though their issues.
If you choose to tell her you need to be sensitive to her feelings. You need to validate her feelings and seek to empathise and understand how she feels. It’s right for her to feel shock, anger and betrayal. Explain to her you aren’t proud of your actions. Importantly you must tell her you’ve sought forgiveness from God. Next show her the steps you’ve put in place (accountability etc) to make sure that you don’t make the mistake again.
Finally if you find this becomes a burning issue in your relationship seek help and advice. The best thing for you to do would be to sit down with a Godly married couple preferably younger (I think it’s difficult for older people to understand the problem or porn let alone to talk about it) or alternatively a qualified counselor. They can take you through and help both of you get perspective on the issue.
Trust that helps
God bless Mike
tags christian, ministry, thinking
Porn.. again
02 April 2007
It was timely that I happened to come across this article in the Sunday Tasmanian over the weekend. Bettina Arndt says,
"It makes no sense for women to brand their menfolk as depraved for enjoying this latest form of sexual display... just because we don’t get it doesn’t mean we have to shame healthy, red-blooded men for enjoying peep shows."I'm interested in stories from readers. Anonymous comments welcome.
I disagree strongly. I think that porn is a problem and a big one. I know of at least one mate for whom this addiction nearly wreaked his marriage. The article also acknowledged... "Most of the women — about two-thirds — were shocked, insulted, angry and unhappy when their men turned to the internet for pornography."
tags christian, linkage, ministry
Every man...
27 April 2008
I have a feeling that Christian blokes I think are more in danger of falling into the pornography trap than other blokes. This is for a number of reasons let me try and explain.
- The Bible and Christians (rightly) have a high view of sex meaning it should only take place in the context of marriage.
- This means that many young blokes have to wait until they are older and so must suppress sexual desire.
- During this time the temptation to have an outlet for desire becomes difficult and a struggle.
- Porn is so readily accessible on the Internet. It’s there in your junk email box everyday.
- It can be viewed in private isolation. “No one needs to know”
- It’s also detached form of viewing. There is no emotional attachment to the people concerned.
- It’s really easy to justify it to your conscious “its not hurting anyone”.
tags christian, linkage, ministry, thinking
Porn on the net...
30 March 2007
It has recently struck me that an increasing number of Christian blokes really struggle with this particular problem. The increasing number of people are getting with broad band Internet means that temptation is just a (very fast) click away. In the near future I only see it getting worse. Now I’m not going to give a convoluted explanation as to why it’s wrong. I’m going to assume you know it’s wrong, destructive and sinful. So some action points…
- Stop... If you are doing it then stop… right now. No ifs or buts. Just stop.
- Get accountable... If you don’t have someone who asks you about this sort of stuff then get one. Come and ask me or send me an email. I’m happy to help but don’t expect cuddles. Start fostering a culture and friendship circle where you can confess your sins to the Reverend one another.
- Get praying... Get down on your knees and beg God for forgiveness and ask him to help you overcome temptation. Pray he’ll take the images out of your mind and that it can be renewed.
- Take drastic action… disconnect the Internet until you learn self-control, get rid of your computer*. Now you might think this is extreme but I have a mate who did exactly that. In a side point his porn problems nearly killed his marriage. Remember Jesus command to cut your arm off if it causes you to sin.
- If you are in a position of leadership get preaching about it... Work to make it a non-taboo topic in your church culture and accountability. Start by asking other blokes about it who you meet up with.
tags christian, ministry, ministry tips
Winning the battle*
14 May 2008
I've been talking about pornography over the last few months. Here's a distilled list of things to help you/me/us win the battle.
Things that just don’t help…
- My hunch is that people are more susceptible to temptation of porn because of the extra pressure and stress. This is especially try of the person in ministry.
- Sadness and depression.
- Being disorganized more generally which in turn leads to late nights.
- Lack of accountability
- Lack of stuff to do not keeping busy with things to do. This leads to aimless internet late night wanderings. Perhaps this is more prevalent in the holidays.
- Aspects of our culture seek to teach us that looking at porn is ok.
- Accountability and talking to someone about the problem.
- Talking and being proactive about keeping others accountable (of the same sex).
- Acknowledging and praying about the problem.
- Regular exercise.
- Being organized so as not to find yourself in tempting situations.
- Being careful not to put yourself in situations where you will be tempted.
- Computer monitoring software
- Cutting off your internet altogether.
- Cold showers (suggested by a MTS apprentice mate)
*I’m indebted to Mark Barry for some of this advice
tags christian, linkage, ministry, ministry tips, thinking
A day (off) in the life of an MTSer
27 September 2007
Well it was a sort of day off as I have a big Saturday coming up.
- 9:15 am Cuddle Christine for extra long in the morning
- 10:30am Eat breakfast then head to lunch with one of my good mates.
- 12:45pm Invite him to hear Peter Jensen Speak on Saturday night.
- 2:20pm Hang out with Dave (My bro) for a late lunch and coffee @ Island Espresso.
- 2:30pm Bump into Jerome and show him a good bike shop
- 2:45pm Bump into Kath and Matt chat some more.
- 3:00pm Have a look at the remains of Myer
(That was the Liverpool Street entrance to Myer)
(Ground Zero)- 3:10pm Buy Wheel Magazine (my monthly indulgence of car porn)
- 5:00pm Come home and eat tea
- 5:40pm Ride out to Netball
- 7:00pm Win Netball
- 7:30pm Help Chris with his broken down car
- 9:30pm Head home for a shower and bed
- 10:15pm Discover more wedding photos
- 10:55pm Blog and upload pictures that have been on my phone for a while.
(I took this one the other day for my lovely wife)tags blog, friends, ministry, pictures, shameless self promotion, update, wedding
Piper on Porn
22 November 2008
The great tragedy is not mainly masturbation or fornication or acting like a peeping Tom (or curious Cathy) on the internet. The tragedy is that Satan uses the guilt of these failures to strip you of every radical dream you ever had, or might have, and in its place give you a happy, safe, secure, American life of superficial pleasures until you die in your lakeside rocking chair, wrinkled and useless, leaving a big fat inheritance to your middle-aged children to confirm them in their worldliness. That's the main tragedy.(More here)
tags christian, ministry, thinking
Porn (again)
06 August 2007
I read this interesting article quoting feminist Naomi Wolf who herself quotes from the Bible!
Wolf's original article here
Thanks Craig for the link
tags christian, ministry, ministry tips
Conferences and porn again
18 June 2007
I spent the weekend at a conference with a stack of other blokes and girls who work the same job as I do at Uni's around the country.
Greg Clarke lectured us over two sessions looking at culture and how to reach the current generation of University students. While Greg is an "academic" I was impressed with his level of knowledge about younger people especially the current generations. I'll blog about this some time soon.
The highlight for me was most definately a bloke from MTS head office came and spoke to us. It was a great and refreshing to hear him speak so bluntly and frankly. He was a tough blokey guy with a servant heart (reminded me of Mark Driscoll). These guys are a great example for young guys and we need more of then in ministry.
Mark B took us through some systematic theology on "light" and "sin" in the Bible before getting more practical on the last day. We talked about one of my pet hates. To his credit he asked us the hard questions. In a room full of MTS trainees there wasn't one who hadn't struggled or looked at Pornography before. It's a problem and a big one more about that later...
tags christian, friends, linkage, ministry, update
Re: Porn
30 April 2007
I read your letter and was particularly encouraged by your desire to combat the growing problem of pornography.
What happened with me is that my dad never had any input into that side of my development, and my mum didnt' really either. I wasn't really ever close enough to share stuff with an older guy as I moved through my teenage years and so my struggles were mine and mine alone. There were people occasionally who I shared things with when my conscience was too burdened to keep it to myself any longer, but none of these really ever followed me up.
I think it's of utmost importance that when it comes to sex and all the temptation in our society that we do our best to cultivate a culture where we can talk openly, respectfully (no matter how bad the mistakes) and caringly and even make light of it to bring it down a few notches on the serious scale. I think generally the enemy wants us to be embarrassed about our sexual nature so that it's the last thing we really deal properly with in our lives, but in reality it's just another part of what God said was so "very good"!
One of the things that I have learnt is that it is absolutely essential for young guys (i don't know what it's like for girls) to have their dad teaching them how to deal with sexual temptation, and if not their dad, then someone older who's able to get to know them well enough to really be of help.
tags christian, friends, ministry tips, thinking
Art or Porn?
05 July 2008
Is it art or is it pron? A well written piece from Phillip Jensen (here)
tags christian, linkage, ministry
More Porn...
30 March 2007
Christine gets in on the act...
tags christian, christine, linkage, ministry, ministry tips
2008 reviewed blog style
31 December 2008
Here's the year in review as seen through the eyes of my blog. Enjoy.
January (9 posts) - Tasmanian Leadership Convention, Yamba Maclean Mission and my bro lost his crappy job. Things were looking like pumping for 2008 FOCUS work.
February (12 posts) - I bought Mark Driscoll's book I still haven't finished reading it. We made the move to Jane, I crashed my bike and still have the scars. Most significantly I probably made the hardest decision in my life so far goodbye FOCUS.
March (5 posts) - Dark Times. I posted very little this month in fact a record low for this blog. Looking back there is very little substance to any of these posts. I was feeling really really crap. On a positive note I revived my ipod.
April (15 posts) - The month started poorly. I blogged about the problem of pornography not once but twice. I followed this topic all year. I began my series of posts on bad fashion now one of the most Googled set of posts on my blog. Christine and I also took a nice holiday up the east coast of Tassie.
May (16 posts) - I bought that car. Laura arrived from the US of A. I blogged about divorce (and offended a anonymous regular reader). I also blogged about porn again. This was the month I preached a fairly average sermon at Tuesday Crossroads and really began the battle to organise the the MTS Tasmania Conference.
June (18 posts) - We did some beer tasting with Laura before she departed. I posted a couple of rants one on hybrid cars (Which I still standby). For some reason I posted stacks of pictures some of them quite good. I should add my good friend Benny got hitched in poo paddock. I also think my friend Adam from Jane began reading my blog. He has become one of the people I hold in my mind as I write. Oh and in a very subtle way we announced we were having a baby.
July (14 posts) - I got sick. It was a bit of a ranty month and I got plenty of comments. The two most commented on posts were Pro Consistency where I argued that Christians should name their children before birth. (With hindsight I would have worded the post differently as it wasn't intended to cause offense. Provoke people, yes but not offend). On the other post I ranted;
I think often Christians already come across as bunch of right wing George Bush loving, Today Tonight watching latte sippers. You can be a Christian, believe in climate change, appreciate art, drink fairtrade coffee and vote left wing too.That post drew one of the harshest comments on my blog to date. Finally for July there was bad fashion number #1.
August (12 posts) - I smashed up my body not once but twice. I Got sick again but completed the mammoth MTS Challenge Conference which rocked even though I didn't go. I also began a new series of rants on how to use email properly.
September (22 posts) - With the completion of the MTS Conference it felt like the fog had lifted and I increased the number of posts to a high for the year. Christine crashed my hard worked on car. No one really read this post. This was contrasted with the 2nd highest read post in the history of my blog about Mark Dricoll and his 18 points in Sydney. Other topics covered included; How annoying Sydney people are, How to run a successful blog, more Driscoll, and still more Driscoll.
October (20 posts) - My email etiquette series continued . Christine voted in an historic election which saw her cop flack (mostly on facebook) for daring to suggest a vote for Obama. It really frustrated me but this made me laugh. Of course in a reoccurring theme for 2008 I got sick with the flu again. I wrote a review of one of the post powerful pieces of TV I've ever seen and in a popular post taught my mates how to clean a shower.
November (19 posts) - I swapped a friends lunch, took a weekend break, won some cash on the Melbourne Cup. Quite a few posts linked to other people's opinions rather than my own.
December (32 posts) - I've been going blog crazy this month. I've had long stretches of duty here at Jane in which to think, reflect and write. This has meant I've posted some of my most personal and juiciest stuff to date. I also posted one of my best bits of writing this year complete with a follow up. I've also written a some longer posts and introduced my 5 things posts an idea I thought of late one night while I was sick (again). December has been a good month.
Total posts for 2008 194 and counting...
tags blog, linkage, review, shameless self promotion, thinking, update
Porn Problem...
27 May 2007
This is becoming a bigger and bigger issue and not just for Christians.
See these reports in the SMH here and feature article here. Thanks to Craig for the links.
tags christian, ministry, thinking
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