Conferences and porn again
18 June 2007
I spent the weekend at a conference with a stack of other blokes and girls who work the same job as I do at Uni's around the country.
Greg Clarke lectured us over two sessions looking at culture and how to reach the current generation of University students. While Greg is an "academic" I was impressed with his level of knowledge about younger people especially the current generations. I'll blog about this some time soon.
The highlight for me was most definately a bloke from MTS head office came and spoke to us. It was a great and refreshing to hear him speak so bluntly and frankly. He was a tough blokey guy with a servant heart (reminded me of Mark Driscoll). These guys are a great example for young guys and we need more of then in ministry.
Mark B took us through some systematic theology on "light" and "sin" in the Bible before getting more practical on the last day. We talked about one of my pet hates. To his credit he asked us the hard questions. In a room full of MTS trainees there wasn't one who hadn't struggled or looked at Pornography before. It's a problem and a big one more about that later...
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In a room full of MTS trainees there wasn't one who hadn't struggled or looked at Pornography before. It's a problem and a big one more about that later...
This scares me. Not to be judgmental, but I wouldn't want to marry a man who struggled with pornography or had spent a significant time looking at it*. We'd have a miserable sex life and a miserable relationship. But I guess that's hard to avoid given how common the problem is!
*Yes, of course God's spirit changes the heart, but what is sown in the flesh is reaped in the flesh and these things have lasting, real, unavoidable consequences.
I think your chances are pretty slim to be honest Shy... there is hardly a guy I know who doesn't struggle with this stuff in one way or another.
I hesitate to say all guys because often I don't because I'm too scared to ask.
We need to work on a culture of accountability and frankness with not only our wives but Christian brothers.
He isn't bad is he that 'tough blokey with a servant heart' - he is a great boss too ;) Glad you had a great time.
To be honest, I think you're exaggerating a bit Mike. I know some guys (that I have honest, accountable relationships with) that have never had a problem with porn. I think it's fair to say that lust is a common problem for men but it's unfair to assume that all men have a penchant for looking up dodgy websites.
With respect I disagree. I think you/they are in the minority. You'll also notice that I didn't say all men have a "penchant" for looking up dodgy websites.
I stand by my comment that in my experience most blokes struggle with this.
shylo, yeah id back up what mike said, its a rare find unfortantly, especially for the bulk of us became christians well into adulthood.
mike, pryderi- i dont think the problem is as wide spread as being made out it is, tho it depends on your definition of 'porn'. would both regard very lame stuff such as the covers of 'ralph' or 'fhm' on the wal at newsagenties as porn? just food for thought.
Fair enough. I guess "penchant" was too strong a word. I wasn't meaning to put words in your mouth, merely trying to avoid a clumsy sentence.
I think soft porn like "Ralph" is just as disrespectful to women as the full on stuff. It's harder to avoid it as well.
In time, Shiloh, I am going to write about this topic from a fiance/wife perspective.
But like the others said, I believe that you need to show grace to the young man that will enter your life. Yes, like you said, porn has a lifelong affect on a person ... but also like you mentioned God changes hearts ... you need to not only believe that, Shy, but also live it by being prepared to forgive and show grace should God bring a wonderful man of God in your life who at one point engaged in this struggle with lust or addiction.
VERY few women can even comprehend the battle godly men fight to keep themselves sexually pure for their wives. But this is not only a battle the man must fight. Lord willing, wives will do their parts to bless their husbands so that they need not look to other sources for satisfaction.
It's such good news that people actually discuss this. Ongoing shame because of ongoing sin in the life of a Christian doesn't make sense in light of our newness in Christ. But if we continually make lust and the accompanying sins the "worst" of all possible sins, to the point that people in our churches are crippled by guilt and shame and unable even to confess for fear of being ostracized, how can we as the body of Christ even begin to address the problem of pornography? The answer is, of course, that we can't!
Looking forward to your further posts about this, Mike.
From a female point of view - I would say that women struggle with it a lot too. How do I know this? I don't, for sure - because it is perhaps even less talked about than male porn struggles. But I know that it is something that I struggle with, and hear it talked unashamedly about by non-christian women, and I also think that it must be going on because things like affairs, they don't just happen - there has to have been something going on in your head before hand.
Of course, I'm not talking about dodgy websites. For women it is more about what is going on in your head.
There are a few ways that I think that women struggle with it.
Perving on guys, whether they be movie stars or just people walking down the street. Reading or watching stuff that is a turn on and, lastly but perhaps most damagingly, lustful thoughts, whether they be daydreaming about a certain guy (real or imagined!) or even conducting imaginary affairs in your head.
Sorry this had to be anonymous. Please know that I am accountable for my own struggles with God and those I trust. I hope this gives other women the courage to think honestly about their own struggles.
@borg: "...I wouldn't want to marry a man who struggled with pornography or had spent a significant time looking at it. We'd have a miserable sex life and a miserable relationship."
Sorry but I have to ask... why do you think that this is so?
"Perving on guys, whether they be movie stars or just people walking down the street. Reading or watching stuff that is a turn on and, lastly but perhaps most damagingly, lustful thoughts, whether they be daydreaming about a certain guy (real or imagined!) or even conducting imaginary affairs in your head."
I completely agree with this-
Pryderi can vouch for this: A while ago i conducted a 'social experiment'- at first it was just a running gag, but i soon saw the serious side of it- its much more accepted for the ladies to comment on a 'cute' guy or his physical attibutes etc, then for men- we would be quickly 'spoken too' if we did the same. food for thought ;)
In a secular context, we blokes would be "spoken to" if we didn't "do the same". Ok, maybe not that exteme. But in secular circles I don't reckon there would be any significant differences between the social acceptability of males or females "admiring".
Hmmm, did I mean lusting?
I wanted to especially thank my anonymous female commenter. It's a brave thing to do.
I'll be blogging on this subject soon. Along with some advice that I've been accumulating. Stay tunned.
Mike, should that be stay tanned? Or keep tuning?