How to get an internet girlfriend part 2
25 August 2006

Ingredients

  • A blog (see Part 1)
  • 3 days off a week in which to blog and plot.
  • The need for an expensive pair of shoes only obtainable only in foreign country.
  • Lots of Prayer
  • MSN
  • Skype

Procedure
  1. Comment of her blog… A LOT.
  2. Obtain email address (find sneaky way of doing so eg. Insulting her or calling her a feminazi).
  3. Exchange emails until the number becomes great and then ask for MSN address.
  4. At this point ask her to buy the shoes (this way you obtain her address and can write to her by hand deepening the relationship) . This will also function as a way of building trust in the relationship.
  5. Meanwhile chat on MSN ALL the time when she is on. (Talk all night preferably)
  6. Continue to blog (Blog about relationships, what women want. Talk about being SNAG or not a SNAG, your 5 year plan and then update it. Upload lots of pictures of yourself and engage in self promotion.)
  7. Chat for so long on MSN that it becomes necessary to inform her to get Skype as you are wasting hours of time on MSN. (Nag a little if she isn’t pumped or show her how beneficial it will be to talk on the phone).
  8. Now I haven’t put in prayer anywhere specific but I’m assuming that you have been doing it the whole time.
  9. Finally Ask her out (Do this over the phone while talking NOT on MSN) (See here)
Ta Da one internet girlfriend.

*Warning you may have to spend lots of money going to visit her.

 

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12 comments:

Anonymous said... 8/26/2006 1:36 am  

I admit ... by the time you got around to your 5 year plan I was wondering ...

hmm, I wonder if I can fit in there ...

Anonymous said... 8/26/2006 11:12 am  

Surely your extravagant penchant for education has to come into it somewhere?

Or window cleaning...

Surely if that doesn't get the gals, MTS-ship has to do it.

Or did I misunderstand it all: are you only allowed to shamelessly promote your blog?

Anonymous said... 8/26/2006 2:33 pm  

well, there was a bit more to it actually ...

his making up all sorts of silly things just so that he'd have something in common with me ...

i.e. - claiming a degree in education, pretending to be arty, professing a love for Mac computers, lying about his favorite colour being green (when this could never be so since he doesn't actually WEAR the colour), sending a picture that just so happens to reveal his collection of books (is that Ryle's book on Holiness?!!), or suggesting that my writing made him feel as if he weren't alone in this world in his principles ...

but learn from his errors, dear souls, he almost destroyed his whole scheme when a few short days before he professed his feelings he admitted that he had no time for a committed relationship ...

... but alas, i may have pushed him toward that statement with suggestions that he date girls from his own Christian community ... alas! to think I may have lost him! the terror!

(caution ... don't watch a Jane Austen film just before posting on someone's blog.)

Anonymous said... 8/26/2006 4:00 pm  

MSN won't let you down!

Anonymous said... 8/27/2006 1:20 am  

Generaly speaking, a internet girlfriend (non-smoker, non-alcoholic, manual driver, no kids, biblical theology etc) is going to be very very hard to find. (Remember you are suposed to do this without going to hotsingles.com or using a search engine). And for many people it wouldn't work anyway. The current good advice is to just hook up with a single girl from your church. But when we are not allowed to date girls from a different church for fear of them having a slightly (unbiblical?) different view on things, it makes the choice very slim. So who knows...

Anonymous said... 8/27/2006 4:57 pm  

This how-to is a bit late, as I now have a non-internet girlfriend. :)

But still an interesting read. Quality conversation is a real plus.

Anonymous said... 8/28/2006 11:25 am  

Surely you can hook Ness up online Phil???

Get two birds with one... ok, maybe we're going a little buddhist here - two sides of the same coin style.

Btw ckhnat, since when was it ever "his whole scheme". Last time I checked, the sheila never let the bloke take full credit for such "schemes". I thought it was just a case of making it look that way...

Or am I being overly stereotypical?

Anonymous said... 8/28/2006 3:40 pm  

I knew that he had thought this through and he knew where he wanted to go with it ... I was just along for the ride.

Anonymous said... 8/28/2006 5:00 pm  

Seems like a massive amount of battling to get an internet girlfriend. 2 hole full length posts about how to do it :)

Oh well, it worked for you hey!

Anonymous said... 8/29/2006 2:57 pm  

"Surely you can hook Ness up online Phil???"

I suppose that one actually started thanks to text messages... thank you technology!!! :-)

Anonymous said... 8/30/2006 6:22 pm  

I've gotta ask, how low has the Jolly man stooped? Claiming, no matter how tongue in cheekily, that Macs are good (other than for destruction, abuse and all things masochistic, and the standard mac chess game is solid too...) And Mike's not the only one...My family are being converted - first my sister, now my mother... I'm scared. I'm really scared.

Anonymous said... 8/30/2006 9:48 pm  

i think women are the common denom. there

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